Confessions of the Dying Boy
June 16th, 2023

I'm not actually dying, at least I don't think so.

For the past two months, I've gotten wretched sicknesses that have left me bed-ridden, and I've gotten my wisdom teeth removed. At this time, I either have Mono or the Flu. Today felt horrible. I could barely eat and I couldn't move from my bed for most of the whole day. My head has hurt, I've felt nauseous, I've felt fatigued, my nose has bled out of both sides too many times to count, my lips are bleeding as I constantly bite the skin off as some form of self-harm (my mother threw out the scissors). It's days like these I wonder if I'm just weak, and it's also times like these I go to my darkest places.

Once, I woke up in a sweat at 5 am and looked ahead of me to see beams of light coming out of my blinds. Due to the fact I had just woken up and I didn't have my glasses, I felt as though this was a sign that heaven was coming down to me. Soon after I came to that wild conclusion, I fell back asleep and forgot about it until the next day.

I don't know what to do with a body that has always hated me. A body in a constant state of paranoia, cuts, and bruises. A body on display and a body that is breaking down every single day.

I've been working out though, hopefully this will fix things.

I don't see how much it will though.

-- > i want to go back home < --