Tying up loose ends
June 6th, 2023

Today, the rope that has been stringing me along, the thread that has been tightening this shirt, was knitted and tied back into place. It took failed attempt after failed attempt, and at times I got so frustrated I strung it all out more, but I've finally been able to tie it, to stitch it. It's a crop top now, but at least I can still wear it. But like all ropes, like all stitches, they can't last for long. I hope the rope won't untie, but it feels too half-assed, too loose. But hey, a knot is a knot is a knot. Another thing about the string I'm worried about is the fact that it may be an 'end'. If this knot unties, there may be nothing left to tie after it's gone. I'm one to fear, one to yearn to tie. I'm like a sailorboy apprentice, minus the homo-erotic nature of that all (maybe not though, but I hope things go in the way where I won't have to worry about that.)

At the moment, my knot is tight enough to withstand certain normal aggressions, but one swift pull and I fear it'll all go down, and the rope will fly into the wind, the shirt gone to shreds. It's hard to keep so many knots together, and It's hard to accept that I can let some go. I'm not that type of man, If I am a man at all. That's a conversation for a different time, but I'm growing out my facial hair, so that plays a part.

-- > i want to go back home < --